Run tubcake, run.

Today is my 20th birthday.

Little weird, but ya know.

It’s weird to think that ten years ago I was ten and wanted to be an astronomer/pro soccer player. Now I am studying to be a dietitian.

Even stranger, it’s the second birthday now that I haven’t spent with my best friend Alyssa. Normally we would go get cookie dough ice cream and watch all the Rocky Movies. But I have outlived her, which still bothers me everyday.Twenty years from now, on my 40th birthday, I will still think about how she transformed my life and help make me who I am. She taught me how to fight for what I want. Never give in. She inspires me to get up and run harder, better, faster, and stronger everyday. I fly because of her. Which is the best gift I could ever receive. I miss her with every fiber of my being.

On a happier note, I have beaten teen pregnancy. Which frankly is a miracle- It seems to be an epidemic.

I am pretty happy with the people who have come into my life over these past few years.

My camp family: Brooke, Ron, Megan, Kara, Leah, Kayla, And the Brendels- the strangest and coolest people I know. I love all of you, life wouldn’t be the same without you guys, or the copious amounts of food we eat….. Healthy food.
My campers: The kids that inspire me more than they’ll know. They are the people who justify loving what I do.
Lindsy: The roommate/womb mate who is the most fantastic person anyone could be honored to live with. You are always there for me and no matter what we are doing whether it be acting out the Zombocalypse at the Crestwood Mall, dancing on coffee tables for Community Thursday, or 9th level facebook creeping on the big screen, we always have a fantastic time. I miss living with you.
Liz: You are fantastic. You put up with my weirdness, and usually enable it. I see you without connecting ponytails (see what I did there?). I will always be there when you panic thinking your parents went out of town without telling you. And more importantly, I will always be there when you figure out they aren’t out of town, but rather seeing James Cameron’s Avatar. I will always be the Tails to your Sonic. Because I am retarded.
Sarah: I just met you this past year and now I don’t know what I would do without you. I love your honey badger like attitude. You crack me up and you are the best “hisssssser” I know. Keep up the good work. We need to go to Dairy Queen.
Katie: I don’t know where I would be without you. Probably in some ditch and homeless. I love that we always know what is going on in each others lives. I love our spoken unspoken no judgement policy. Which is why I have no problem telling you I want to do unspeakable things to Stephan Colbert and you don’t think I am weird at all. BECAUSE IT’S NOT WEIRD. You make me push myself to reach my goals. You are always supportive and encouraging no matter how small the accomplishment. You give my life purpose— Terrifying Starbucks employees with urine soaked five dollar bills… I mean what…I love the shenanigans we get into. Frantically running from the cops through a Wendy’s parking lot wouldn’t be the same without you.

Well, this concludes my thoughts about beating my personal record for days lived and so begins the countdown until I can legally sit at a bar. 366 here I come.

What do you have?

LOOK WHAT MY ROOMMATE PUT UP FOR ME.

silverlyner:

so its your birthday soon. and I just wanted to be the first one to actually send you my love…Happy (almost) Birthday, Zoë. you’re one of the coolest people that I know. hands down.

come hang out with me so we can party like irresponsible weird nerdy college students.

After an eventful evening at karaoke night, I decided to stop at Quick Trip on my way home. My nose was on the verge of bleeding because I hadn’t had caffeine in an hour. It was time for a Diet Coke.

So I go in, do my thing, buy enough Diet Coke to take down a small horse… The whole nine yards.

So I head out to my car where I actually see the crowd of people this QuickTrip has attracted (I didn’t notice before because I was preoccupied with the notion my head was going to explode… I may have a problem). This view wasn’t anything new. It had the typical loitering at a gas station at 1:00am crowd. Tow truck driver, high end stripper, meth addict, Eminem high school drop out wanna be… Again, nothing new. Apparently I had completely passed the man standing like three feet away from my car, probably because I was distracted by the white kid rapping… I don’t know…  it could have been a number of things.

Again, not noticing this man, I casually hop into my car.

So this night dweller pops out of no where and knocks on my passenger side window, which doesn’t open. Something I have never been thankful for before this moment.

He says something, but I have no idea what the hell he was trying to say.

So I am like “Fuck this, I’m going to peel out like a bad ass.”

WRONG

I try to quickly put my car in reverse but then this girl, who was the previous mentioned meth head, nearly hits me with her mobile lab. Leaving me with no choice put to pull into my original parking space so she can get through. So this QuickTrip winner has witnessed this whole mess and uses this opportunity as his second chance at annoying the shit out of me. 

He knocks on the passenger side window again, and for the second time, tries to tell me something. A part of me is like “Just open the door, and see what he wants.” But then the other part of me is like “No. No Zoe, no. You just saw the Lovely Bones, you know about kidnappers, you’re smarter than this.” I don’t open the window, because really, I have seen the Lovely Bones and that girl had it coming. Once again, I try to pull my car out.

This mother fucker runs to the drivers side. Without skipping a beat I lock my door. But again that first side of me is like “See what this bastard wants” So I compromise with myself and crack the window a little bit.

This is what ensued.

“Hey, hey yo girl, I wasn’t trying to scare you, I was tryin’ to say hi. Umm So listen. Uh Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Yeah”

“Oh, uhh. Oh so you taken, huh?”

“Yeah”

“Oh girl, did you go and bust up yo eye?” (referring to my black eye)

“Yeah. Boxing. In a boxing match. Because I’m a boxer.”

“Oh. Shoo-“

“Well, I got to go. Those kids aren’t going to feed themselves!”

Then I got to peel out like a pro. Laughing hysterically. I don’t have a boyfriend, I got that black eye from my 17 year old sister, and the likelihood of me having a child is slim due to the first thing on this list.

Well anyway, I drove away feeling like a million bucks. I have never before been hit on by what I am sure was the gentleman from Mad Tv’s Can I Get Yo Number and Never have I ever been able to lie in such quantities with such speed.

I keep failing at everything I do

I want to shoot myself in the face

But I would probably screw that up too and end up paralyzed.

I

Hate

My

Life

I wish I could be like everyone else. Four year school, somewhat of an idea of what they want to do, and not living with their parents.

I seriously see no way out of my situation

and on top of all that

I have let my two closest friends down

Someone please kill me.